


the boy and his flower

by stagemanager



Series: Pushing Up Daisies [2]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Family Feels, Fluff, Gen, Ghost Connor Murphy (Dear Evan Hansen), Growing Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-17
Updated: 2019-01-17
Packaged: 2019-10-11 00:13:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17436170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stagemanager/pseuds/stagemanager
Summary: The journey from childhood to adulthood, shared between Connor and a little girl.





	the boy and his flower

The teachers started talking in kindergarten. It was things like: your daughter is so smart, she’s a very advanced reader, I don’t think I’ve had a student who knows so much about science before, that sort of thing.

It was the very sort of thing that led to Daisy getting an IQ test and getting placed into a gifted program the following year.

Connor is just happy that her current school has a gifted program. That way, she can still see people she knows, and doesn’t have to find her way at a completely new campus.

Familiarity and security take time to develop. Friendships even longer.

So as Daisy’s workload and homework become more rigorous, and the child is challenged for the first time in school, the family does their best to help and guide her. And as first grade gives way to second and third and fourth, and his niece begins to stress and panic, Connor reminds Daisy that your family and friends are here and everything will be okay.

They can’t make the stress and bad grades go away, but they can love her in spite of them.

* * *

It is a simple elementary school project. Create a family tree of either a real or fictional family with pictures and descriptions. It would be just another forgettable piece of homework, if not for the fact that Daisy gets the idea to diagram her own family.

At first, Connor doesn’t worry: she has four members including herself to include. That’s enough. But then he looks at the instructions and they dictate that there must be at least _five_ relatives. And so Daisy chooses a person that she hasn’t met, someone she hasn’t seen.

He’s both thankful and shocked that he’s made it this far without her knowing. He was certain that he’d have to explain himself once the child heard her uncle’s name and learned to read, but through some miracle, she’s dismissed the shared designation as just a coincidence. One of her classmates is named Connor, and so the conclusion isn’t difficult to come to.

Even so, he knows the seed has been planted in her mind, requiring only one more piece of evidence to sprout. But Daisy inexplicably has not asked her mother for a picture, too kind and so foolishly considerate to want to spare her mother sad, painful memories. But this assignment requires a photo of each member, and so after writing down a description of her uncle, Daisy goes to her mom to ask for a picture.

The request seems to catch Zoe off guard, her expression going from brief astonishment to bittersweet smiles. But she obliges the request, scrolling through her cell phone and presenting it to the child.

“There he is,” she says, a familiar tiredness in her voice. “Your Uncle Connor.”

The photo is an older one, taken in freshman year when there were still moments of joy hidden in the bitterness and anger. His sister is leaning against him on the sofa, a witty expression on her face. A pair of earbuds is shared between the two siblings, Zoe’s phone in his hand.

 

( _“Wow, this sucks.”_ )

( _“Thanks. I’ll be sure to send you the rest of the album.”_ )

 

“He asked me what music I was listening to so I gave him the other earbud and let him listen.” Zoe pauses, her eyes happy yet unfocused. “It turns out, he likes Panic! At the Disco too.”

“He’s… He’s my _uncle?_ ” Daisy whispers, the words as fragile as a dandelion puff. Connor feels his dead heart fracture into a million pieces when the child speaks. She looks up at her mother, her eyes pleading and so painfully _confused_.

There’s nothing he can say to explain all the things he’s done.

“Yes. That’s my brother, Connor.”

He’s used to hurting people, anyway.

* * *

She doesn’t tell Heidi, Evan, or Zoe what she knows. He wonders if it’s because she wants to spare them from the awful truth that she carries, or because she somehow still cares about him.

Sometimes people need lies. Sometimes people make mistakes.

All he can do is be sorry, and let her cry and scream at him.

When she goes to visit her grandparents for the first time, Connor seeks out the familiar spaces, hoping that they will drown out the tears and painful laughter.

They don’t.

* * *

Time passes, and the wounds of the past begin to feel a little less painful. Daisy will be starting the fifth grade this year, the child moving up in the education system. He feels like his little princess is growing up too quickly, the once endless summers disappearing and the little girl running farther from his reach.

On the first day of the new year, Daisy tells him that they’re going to be late for school. And just like that day a million years ago, when she opened a door that he didn’t deserve, he runs after her and follows his light back out of the darkness.

Connor doesn’t understand how she keeps forgiving him, refusing to let his failures and mistakes drag her down. But he sees her mother, so strong and brave and resilient, and he wonders how he deserves such wonderful people in his life.

* * *

He’s glad that he’s by Daisy’s side when middle school starts. Not only is the school work more intense, but the social environment has gone from warm and inviting to cold and intimidating.

Daisy experiences the first attacks of the social hierarchy, fear and stereotypes placing her in a box that not everyone wants to open. The foundation for the high school pecking order is being formed. That’s the kid who’s obsessed with plants and is a total teacher’s pet. A know-it-all. She’s the weird girl who talks to herself. I think she’s crazy.

For the first time, there are moments where Daisy sits alone in the classroom, or doesn’t raise her hand even though she knows the answer and hasn’t spoken all class. Connor is careful to remain by her side.

_You’re not alone, it’s okay, I love you, Evan and Zoe and Heidi love you._

His niece doesn’t start pushing people away like he did. Instead, she reacts like Evan did, pulling increasingly into herself. Her talkativeness and smile begins to slowly ebb away, now replaced with a lowered head and silence. While the family does their best to reach out and be there for her, Anna’s continued friendship with Daisy seems to help the child in a more palpable way. Connor never had a friend like that— _an old memory emerges in his mind before he shoves it back into the place where the lost things go_ —and he prays that all of them are enough to keep Daisy out of the shadows.

Somewhere in the giant, apathetic machine of public school, Daisy gets placed in an art class. The course is taught by the kind and welcoming Mrs. Steven, and it is here that his niece makes several new friends and starts to feel okay again.

It is in that same class that Connor first hears Daisy talk about being a teacher.

* * *

If there was any place that he never wants to see again, it would be here. The campus is filled with so many dark and bitter memories that he prays that his niece will never have to set foot in that god-forsaken place. But the school is the closest to their house, and it has the advanced science classes that Daisy wants and a decent arts program.

And so, on the first day of ninth grade, a trembling, anxious Evan drops his daughter off at the same high school that her father, mother, and uncle went to.

His fucking picture is up in the hallway, and Connor goes numb.

Every school day is an endeavor to not panic as he follows Daisy from class to class. While the school has been updated and renovated, even the nicest and newest paint and architecture cannot hide the painfully familiar classrooms and hallways.

Some places Connor simply stands and stares, remembering and feeling what it was like over twenty years ago in this spot. Other places Connor struggles to enter, like a computer lab with a letter and an auditorium with a band concert.

It hurts to be here. But he loves Daisy and cannot let her figure this out alone, so he forces himself to climb the wall each time. He’s going to be there for his little princess, _no matter what_. No more running away.

When a boy that Daisy likes but Connor does _not_ asks the girl out to the Homecoming Dance, Connor bites his tongue and lets his overjoyed niece go. When the same boy breaks Daisy’s heart a year later, Connor focuses on comforting his grieving niece instead of going after the bastard. And when Daisy finally graduates high school and plans to major in education, Connor cheers her name through his tears as she walks across the stage.

He’s never been so proud of his family in his entire life.

When she comes through the door, medals and tears and smile shining in the light, he lets the crowd swallow him whole.

* * *

Even as the years pass, one of the constants at the old high school are the rumors. Gossip fills the hallways, the rumor mill grinding out a new story everyday. One story that students spread is about the biology teacher who allegedly wanders around campus and talks to herself. People try to circulate the rumor that she’s crazy or possessed, but it never really catches on. Ms. Hansen is really nice and funny, and she’s cool for a science teacher. She understands when students come in late to class, or when they’re upset and can’t focus because something happened to them.

Sometimes, when a student is having a really difficult time, Ms. Hansen will ask them if they want to stay in her classroom. If they say no, Ms. Hansen will smile and hand them a slip of paper, telling them to call or come see her if they need to. If they say yes, Ms. Hansen ask them if they have a favorite genre before turning the music on. Then, she’ll sit next to them and start drawing in her sketchbook. Sometimes the student will talk to her, other times they won’t. But when the student eventually leaves, Ms. Hansen gets back up and sits by the window in her room.

“ _Thank you,_ ” she whispers to the never-ending blue sky.

* * *

**_Once upon a time, in a land far away, there was a golden flower who lived under a tree. Every day, she played with the butterflies and said hello to the birds as they flew by. And though she couldn’t leave her home, the golden flower was happy._ **

**_One summer’s day, the golden flower noticed a little boy playing alone near the tree, a shiny red plane in his hand._ **

**_“Hello, little boy,” said the golden flower. “Why are you playing alone?”_ **

**_“Nobody wants to play with me,” answered the little boy._ **

**_“That’s silly,” replied the golden flower. “I’ll play with you.”_ **

**_And so, the little boy and golden flower began to play. They played many games together, like cloud watching and I-Spy. They watched the sky change colors and listened to breeze sing in the branches. The little boy and golden flower became best friends, and they had a lot of fun together._ **

**_But time began to pass, and soon the little boy had to go away. The two friends were very sad, because they couldn’t play together anymore. But the little boy smiled and hugged the golden flower and told her not to cry. Because summer is not wonderful because it lasts forever._ **

**_When the little boy finally went away, the golden flower was very sad. But she was happy, because she would never forget her best friend._ **

* * *

His name was Connor Michael Murphy, and he had been many things. But to his flower, he was simply ‘Nori’.


End file.
